Because I could only explain this to God...

Dear God,

Thank you for providing for the 10 crazy white KJs that live in Kisumu, Kenya. You have blessed me so much; and I don't even know why. I walk down the street and forget I'm a Mzungu. I just see people, people that you have created to be beautiful no matter their circumstances.

Every day that I am in this land I love, I meet one more child I physically can't help. Because I can't hold every one. God, I need YOU to hold them and remind me that you are strong enough. God, American boys don't break my heart, little African kids do.

My one love.

You say you're a father to the fatherless.
You say you watch everyone while they sleep and protect them.
You say you will set the prisoners free.

Today I held your son Joseph who is four. His two year old sister sat near to me. His 16 year old sister was close. We sat inside prison walls. I bounced this bundle of energy on my lap and all I could manage to whisper was: "Jesus has a plan for your life. He loves you when no one else does." 

Because God you know no language barriers. But how can you allow hundreds of kids to be confined to a jail with the clothes on their back when they have committed no crime? How can the parents run away and a grandmother throw the kids on the street? How do you knit my heart to little Joseph's so we both cry when I have to walk away? I know you have a plan. Remind me that all I need to do is love them like you would if you walked into that Juvenile detention centre. Somehow you will teach us all a lesson through this.

This morning I turned around and saw the priceless Alice. Probably in her teens. The Kenyan people don't know what is wrong, but You do. You know she has what we call Downs Syndrome. She has lived inside these walls without love for three years now. I remember holding her hand last year. All she does as the preacher tells the story is weep next to me. My eyes started to sting as I reach to rub her back. I know she is physically abused there with no way to tell anyone. I know the only reason she is there is because her family doesn't know what's wrong with her and they don't want or need to find out. Because apparently dumping your child on the street is an option. All she wants to do is hold my hand and sing some songs. How can you confine her there when there are so many who could love her in the right ways? How do you let your child stay that way? Because you think she's strong. She is strong because she has You. She stays there because You alone are strong enough.

God, My 17 year old friend who works at Agape has lived on the streets since he was nine. He has no "family" to spend Christmas with. He doesn't go on normal 17 year old social outings because he lives on the road. You call us to live our dreams and follow you. How can someone do that when so confined? You can because YOU live in him and tell him circumstances don't control his future. He asks me every day what I have learned from your word. He has made me realize that you are a God who loves the sinner and hates the sin. You are God who loves when we feel we have nothing worth loving. Protect him this night as I sleep under a bed net and he sleeps under a shanty.

What about Arnold, God? He is so dear to you. I haven't seen him in three days and all I can do is pray that the slum has treated him well. I know you protect him. I know he has a Father in you even though his earthly one fails him. But I also know he is a lost 13 year old boy who just needs to realize that he has a savior. Remind him.

What about eight year old William? He runs from his past. You know those razor blades don't rule his life...but to him they do. God, find him inside of your arms tonight and shake him upside the head. He needs to know that his home is in his real father, YOU.

Protect Kevin who wants to live on the streets and Brian who hides behind his smile and Geoferry who ran to live the street life. Help Derick and Lawrence and Abraham and Isaiah and Tracy and Laura and George and Siki and Humphrey. Find homes for the fatherless and make them know they are special because You are special.

Our world is broken, and YOU are the only one who can fix it.

"I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm suppose to be.
I give up. I'm not strong enough.

Hands of mercy, won't you cover me? God, right now I'm asking you to be: Strong Enough."

Nairobi.

It's hard to describe the schedule of events that you would call the "last couple of days."
From running around packing, and unpacking to save weight, to traveling to San Francisco Airport, to the crazy 12 hour ride to Frankfurt Germany, to Istanbul Turkey and then Nairobi, Kenya. And that schedule was just one group of KJs. The Holy Spirit went before our very steps and gave us people that either graciously showed us the way or painstakingly taught us a lesson.

Team Turkey Crashes in Frankfurt!

Today is Monday, we are off to visit some old friends, the Johnson's, and their orphanage here in Nairobi. We are 11 hours ahead of CA and still extremely sleep deprived and confused.

I am clinging to Christ. His Jesus music keeps me running. His words through Paul in the book of Galations  help me realize who I am. Who we as 10 strong are. And who are we? We are hopeless sinners. Rebels. Evil doers. Lost puppies with no innocence.


Thanks be to God forever and ever for His love and constant salvation that saves us again and again.


We are no longer Ten2Kenya we are TenInKenya! Ten very white, very obvious, and very Christ driven westerners.

Nairobi, Kenya

We walk by faith and not by sight because  nothing is certain.
You miss us? Good. But we are doing nothing spectacular. We are still on the same earth you are trying to do what we think we can do to further Christ's kingdom. Your mission in America is no less than ours.

Life isn't important. He is.

A Cliche Phrase or a Lifestyle?

Jesus means everything to me. So do you, my incredible, inspiring and appreciative friends. Yet, I leave this place in 10 days. With arms high and heart abandoned, in tears. Tell me, when you sat at your thanksgiving table, surrounded by the people you loved, what WERE you truly thankful for? What ARE you truly thankful for? Make a 30 second mental list. Yours might look something like....

• Iphone
• Job
• Health
• Freedom
• Friends
• Family

...mine did. 

Great things, thank you Jesus. But wait, where IS Jesus? We're thankful for the things He gives us but forget that HE is the exact reason we even have those things. Yes, the "things" we have are great. But we're called to love so much more than our things. HE died an embarrassing and unworthy death on a piece of wood so that we could be forever free. Yet we shove the King of Kings at the bottom of our list and let temporary physical happiness reign in His place. Seriously, the way we accept the gospel is messed up.

We're packing our family of 10's life into 8 boxes and 16 duffle bags. 

My life as I know it goes into that 50 lb bag in the corner. 

But wait, Jesus IS my life. I can live without clothes and friends and electronics and youth group. Every single barrier can be stripped from me but Christ's promise's still will never fail. When we realize all we really need is Jesus, life becomes a whole LOT about Him and a whole lot NOT about us. Make sense?

‎"Because Jesus was strong for me, I am free to be weak;

Because Jesus won for me, I am free to lose; 

Because Jesus was someone, I am free to be no one; 

Because Jesus was extraordinary, I am free to be ordinary;

Because Jesus succeeded for me, I am free fail." -Tullian Tchividjian 

I sat at our table last Thursday, loving my family and hating the food. Literally. I could barely put a bite into my mouth without wanting to gag it up. Because in 10 days I'm leaving this place and going where that table of food would have fed an entire village. The delectable morsels were feeding my body but starving my soul. Don't get me wrong, I love to eat. But does one meal determine our happiness? Does a new car, or paid mortgage, or comfortable home make life great? Yes, yes it does make life great. But does our salvation not make it so much better?

These next 10 days, they're going to be a struggle. I hope I've been the friend you needed, and can continue to be that friend. Please pray for us. If I don't text you this week, I still love you, I just have a couple other things I'm doing. :) If I don't see you again for a year, you still mean the world to me, I'm just trying to find my place in life serving as the God-aholic I want to be.

As little Jack [7] and I cried in each others arms today, I was reminded of how fragile this life is and how every second counts. So please, don't waste your life. Remember Christ is everything for you. 

Where is God, I don't see Him?

This life has so many stinkin' distractions. Yet we accept them as "needs" and "life" and forget what Christ would really be having us do.

I freak out about little things. My outfit. My being late for church. My messy room. My school that I'm procrastinating on. My friendship that's falling apart. One little "stress" leads to another and before we know it we're head over heels, so engrossed in the worries of this life that we forget why we're even here. I forget why I'm even here.

It makes me think, I'm sick of the world/friend/aquatince given identity labels. You know the things you imagine next to a person? You know...names... Annabelle the Debater. Anna the Swimmer. Erin who's crazy about Scotty and Danny. Kate who's heart is in Africa. Identities we don't purposefully give each other but names that just HAPPEN. It's called a false identity. It's called us making idols in our life that have "something to do with something about God, which could affect God's kingdom in the future." We run our lives it like a really bad Topicality. Giving excuses for the things we do and saying we 'pray' they might affect God's eternal plan. Doesn't He call so much more than that!? I like to think so. I don't mean that anything we do 'without' God is bad. He should permeate out of every TV show, activity and event we engross ourselves in. If he so directly died for us than shouldn't that make our lives DIFFERENT than our neighbors? Shouldn't the words of our lips and the meditations of our hearts be pleasing to God our creator?

Cool story. Bummer I fail at this whole inspiring idea EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. Tell me you do too?

People seem to think I'm perfect, but I'm not. I struggle with sin and hate.

People seem to believe that my words are magical. I yell at my brothers and say things I regret every day.

People seem to think God is closer to me than them. I feel so distant sometimes I want to question the very one I want to live for.

People seem to think I have this giant heart that loves all. I really, honestly, don't love people for themselves. I love people that love me back and I'm trying to change that.

I'm leaving in 29 days. So many of my dearest friends will be gone when I come back. I hope I've been a mini Christ to you. One that makes you look at your actions, realize why you love what you love and question what you believe. One that will listen. I hope you have learned that I am not a perfect angel but that I am a hopeless sinner just yearning for something more in this life.

Thank you: Mom, Dad, Kali, Tim, Hannah, Nick, Annabelle, Morgan, Taylor, Erin, Daniel, Nate, Matt, Anna, Stephen, Mandy, Becca, Claire, Grace, Paige, Charlie, Elijah, Mallory, Katy, Kyle, Abby, Claire, Bee, Lisa, Jack, Carly, Chris, Matt, Megan, Arielle, Rhapsody, Chrissy, Rex, Collin, Charlie, Chris, Steve, Brad, Dani, Michaela and everyone else.

Thank you. Thank you for being the friends I need and want. Thank you for listening and crying and laughing with me. Thank you for surrounding me. Thank you for pursuing me. Thank you for reminding me that there is joy in this life we are living.

-Me<3

Being a Christian

This weekend I had the blessing of going to Hume Lake with some of the most diverse girls on the planet. My previous Hume experience consisted of ruffing the wild in tents with my brother by my side and dirt on my face. This experience was a different story. They spoiled us, mostly with candy and meals, but also with Jesus. Ya, I got Jesus spoiled.

You know that feeling when your "Christian walk" is going so great and you feel you can conquor the world? That's a Jesus high.
You know that feeling when God is so distant that you don't know if He even exists?
That's a "Crisis of Faith."

Last week I experienced a crisis of faith. The Kenya I've been
planning on moving to for a year, the one where my little boys are, the one that my heart is in is going through a slight time of war. The Somolian/Kenya relationship isn't exactly what you'd call great...in fact it's pretty bad. Bombings and travel warnings, guns, planes and kidnappings, they really don't phase me. I know where My safety comes from.

What scares me most is the fact that something I adore so profoundly, could be taken right out from under me. We can all relate to loss of a loved one, and this is what I felt. But that's what God does, doesn't He? He makes us love something, and then says, "do you really love this or do you really love Me?"

We're only Human. As much as we were made to be joyful we were made to hurt. If that's where you are right now, then trust me, you're not alone.

Here's what I've learned so far:
1. When you feel like your world is falling apart...fall on your knees and sing praises to the very one who created you. You will be reminded of your utter weakness.
2. Go to the people that will not only feel for you, but will pray for and with you and always always build you up.
3. Giving is the best medicine.
4. If you always do what you've always done you will always get what you've always got.

We leave in 36 more days.
I don't know if God will put a damper on the dream we've personalized and keep us here.
I know He is.
Instead of praying for clarity, I'm going to pray for trust. I want to think long term God, not long term me.

Love,
K

Ps. Chrissy Gage our youth leader-- who means so much to me.

Short and Sweet Acts 3

[written for my bible study girls, but too powerful not to share]

As I read through this chapter I was struck by the simplicity of the first part of this chapter, primarily verse six.

Acts 3:6 ESV "6 But Peter said, "I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!"

I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you!! Wow, guys. What a daily prayer. And if it isn't a daily prayer, then it should be.

I have one challenging question: how is your prayer life? How is mine? Fine. And fine is NOT the way I want my quality time with my creator to be defined. What about you? Are you daily on your knees in prayer begging for His mercy? Because we need it, and take it without confession or thanks. I'm struggling with this right now. Admit that you're struggling with me?

How can we say we're Christian and in a relationship with God without actually spending any time with Him on a daily basis!? How can we say He's our best friend and then treat Him like the kid we avoid at debate class or Swim/soccer practice saying we don't have "time" to spend with Him?

I'm poor. So are you. We can't start a ministry that's Saving millions of starving kids. We can't go on street evangelism as teens. We can't be Peter the apostle who traveled the world to proclaim Christ.

But you know what we can do? Girls. We CAN Give Christ everything we have to offer. When we do, great things happen. When we give him our little money,our job, our school, our LIVES...saying we'll forget our selfish dreams and pick up our cross and follow Him.

Today give everything you have to God. Get on your knees in prayer. Fall on your face and beg that he would use the few resources we have to make HIS kingdom, not ours great.

With all the love and hurt of this life crushed into a quest for Christ,
Kate.

Ps. 69 days till I live in Kenya.

You are filthy rich.

I mean it: you're rich.

Even if you consider your family poor, us in middle-class America, even as teens, have nothing to complain about.

Did you drink clean water today without risk of disease?

Are you wearing a pair of shoes?

Do you have a dry, safe place to sleep tonight?

Will you eat today? You are rich.

Most of us would say, me included, we're just barely getting by trying to live a normal life.

BUT--We can go to Starbucks and pay $4 for fancy coffee if we want too. We can go shopping and spend $30 easily. We can take showers anytime we feel like it. We can go to the movies almost any Saturday. Sounds like we're barely getting by, eh?

The saddest thing is as we drive home from Target, in our 2002 car, we say we need more.

We claim our DVD collections, our Starbucks, our dinner out with friends is part of our regular budget. We work hard, we deserve them. Right? Wrong.

I've read the verses about how it's easier for a camel going through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. But really, I don't think I'm the one with the problem around here. I do tithe some Sundays. I do sponsor a Compassion kid. But if I, if rich America, doesn't have a problem with riches, WHO DOES? Who is it?

It's not my friend who just bought a designer purse.

It's not my friend who has all the new CDs.

It's not my friend who goes bowling every weekend. IT'S ME. I'm the one shoving my camel's hump through the eye of the needle. I'm the rich fool.

Statistic: "The average person in the US gives only 2.1 percent to all charitable causes. The average Christian in America tithe 2.66 percent of his income to the church. A whopping total of 4.76 percent." Not even the biblical 10% tithe. Wow.

I get one thing, I check it off the list. Move on to the next thing. Possessions in America of overwhelming. We don't even realize it, but they own us.

Ipods, cell phones, TVs, books, Internet, school, job, media.

We live for the next thrill, when we're supposed to be living for the next opportunity to serve.

Statistic: "95 cents of every church dollar stays INSIDE the U.S. Five Cents goes for world missions." What happened, to the overwhelming Love for the church around the world?

We're stick in a drudgery of a march and our possessions are what we're wading through, the more I get the more I want. One more, one more, one more. Soon I'll be paralyzed. Trapped in a big pile of stuff, unable to reach out and help anyone.

I like to think of myself as a poor person. I like to think of myself as a generous person. I like to think of myself as a frugal person. Look at my wonderful finances:

Monthly Teenage Income after paying parentals:: $200

Dress: $30 (It was on sale!)

Starbucks: $15

Gifts: $20

Movies: $12 (FUN!)

Fast Food: $15

Compassion Kid: $38

School Book: $20 (Lost my book =()

Savings: $50

This particular month was a little expensive. I don't normally spent so much on food. I don't normally lose my school books. I don't normally buy....but it's always "something".

In one month alone I spent as much on movies, food with friends, fancy coffee, and a dress as the average person in Ethiopia makes in ONE YEAR. It makes me want to barf. Who's rich now?

I'm not condemning myself for watching that movie out with friends. That was a blast.

I'm under God's grace. But I need to have my eyes open wide to the choices I'm making' and stop believing: 'I'm barely getting by and can't do to much to help anyone else.'

I don't want to be stuck in my stuff. I'm resourceful. I'm hard-working. And biggest of all, I'm sent by God to use my influence, my resources, my love to reach out to the poor and oppressed in this world.

And I don't have to be scared by the huge problems in this world. God doesn't call us to be safe. Nothing scares God. And after all, it's God who's telling me to reach out.

I don't want to be a preacher, I want you to be challenged like I was when I learned this.

So, 21st- century American teenagers, what do we want to do?

-Kate <3

[I've been reading "Hope Lives", an incredible daily devotion telling us why the heck we need nothing and why we need to give everything. Many of these points are from it. Read it. It will change the way you look at everything.]