Where is God, I don't see Him?

This life has so many stinkin' distractions. Yet we accept them as "needs" and "life" and forget what Christ would really be having us do.

I freak out about little things. My outfit. My being late for church. My messy room. My school that I'm procrastinating on. My friendship that's falling apart. One little "stress" leads to another and before we know it we're head over heels, so engrossed in the worries of this life that we forget why we're even here. I forget why I'm even here.

It makes me think, I'm sick of the world/friend/aquatince given identity labels. You know the things you imagine next to a person? You know...names... Annabelle the Debater. Anna the Swimmer. Erin who's crazy about Scotty and Danny. Kate who's heart is in Africa. Identities we don't purposefully give each other but names that just HAPPEN. It's called a false identity. It's called us making idols in our life that have "something to do with something about God, which could affect God's kingdom in the future." We run our lives it like a really bad Topicality. Giving excuses for the things we do and saying we 'pray' they might affect God's eternal plan. Doesn't He call so much more than that!? I like to think so. I don't mean that anything we do 'without' God is bad. He should permeate out of every TV show, activity and event we engross ourselves in. If he so directly died for us than shouldn't that make our lives DIFFERENT than our neighbors? Shouldn't the words of our lips and the meditations of our hearts be pleasing to God our creator?

Cool story. Bummer I fail at this whole inspiring idea EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. Tell me you do too?

People seem to think I'm perfect, but I'm not. I struggle with sin and hate.

People seem to believe that my words are magical. I yell at my brothers and say things I regret every day.

People seem to think God is closer to me than them. I feel so distant sometimes I want to question the very one I want to live for.

People seem to think I have this giant heart that loves all. I really, honestly, don't love people for themselves. I love people that love me back and I'm trying to change that.

I'm leaving in 29 days. So many of my dearest friends will be gone when I come back. I hope I've been a mini Christ to you. One that makes you look at your actions, realize why you love what you love and question what you believe. One that will listen. I hope you have learned that I am not a perfect angel but that I am a hopeless sinner just yearning for something more in this life.

Thank you: Mom, Dad, Kali, Tim, Hannah, Nick, Annabelle, Morgan, Taylor, Erin, Daniel, Nate, Matt, Anna, Stephen, Mandy, Becca, Claire, Grace, Paige, Charlie, Elijah, Mallory, Katy, Kyle, Abby, Claire, Bee, Lisa, Jack, Carly, Chris, Matt, Megan, Arielle, Rhapsody, Chrissy, Rex, Collin, Charlie, Chris, Steve, Brad, Dani, Michaela and everyone else.

Thank you. Thank you for being the friends I need and want. Thank you for listening and crying and laughing with me. Thank you for surrounding me. Thank you for pursuing me. Thank you for reminding me that there is joy in this life we are living.

-Me<3